grimes has a lisp when she talks.

this friday night

It all started off so well, until i ruined myself with booze, attention & dancing.

Necking someone against a fruit machine while looking rather lady like is not good, nor is getting in a mood for no reason-though due to the amount of ale you've consumed it makes you believe otherwise. To boot waking up after suffering a slight narcolepsy moment, in your front garden is not acceptable. Neither is having to wake your sleeping mother up in order to get in your house. I may as well conclude with another negative-Ringing in sick to work when all of your colleagues blatantly knew you went out the night before is bad too. NO. So now, I'm off the booze for the foreseeable future. Which by my standards usually lasts a week.

In little over a week I'm going to turn 23.

I'm not happy about this for a number of reasons.

To name a few: I'm not famous yet (messing/not messing) i sit & feel myself boil over with envy when i hear about 14 year old bloggers, hanging with Anna Wintour & i think. 'Why aren't i hanging with Ms Vogue?'-but then sometimes i consider-'Would i really want to hang around with those that are 'all about fashion' & nothing much else. I don't really know.....

I haven't done everything i wanted to do before i reached 21, let alone 23. Some of those 'everythings' being completely subversive & unimaginable, they've now been scrubbed off the list (one being shaving all of my hair off-but a few friends have covered that one for me, so that's sound)

Savings, or rather lack of. In money terms, I'm currently worth nothing. But then again, I'm alive, so i guess that's worth talking about.

Serving a purpose. Or doing something completely selfless like Volunteer work. I believe that I'm too selfish to do that at the moment, so I'm looking into Care Work. But now days it seems you have to have qualifications to 'care' for the elderly or those a little more unstable than i am. Soooo, i guess I'll have to do my research.

It all comes down to the fact that time goes by so so quickly. So fast in fact I'm sitting here now, wondering where the last five years have gone(?) I mean I've grown in so many ways, it's kinda cool I'm not-emotionally in the same place as i was when i was 17/8. However, i am in the same place in the sense that I'm in my bedroom, at my ma & pop's house & generally haven't gotten any closer to figuring out-what i want from life, or rather what i want to do. I have a vague idea, but vague being a rather irrelevant word to use, as i guess my ideas are vaguer then vague.

'i want to work in the creative industry' i tell myself-Yeah, & who doesn't?-what does this initially mean? To work designing Cards for people not to give a shit about. To work in a gallery, sat at a desk, bored out of my mind. Or do something that i actually care about.

The latter is more fitting, though this leads me to think about another question. What do i care about? Well my family & friends are a given, art wise???-I like & dislike quite alot of stuff. For the majority of time, i spend looking through other peoples blogs, wishing I'd said what they've said, wishing I'd drawn what they'd drawn. It's a vicious circle, that-all nearly aged 23 of me should get out of.

I'm happy sometimes, though the thought of turning a different age, & having little or nothing to show for my other years-is a little disheartening. Sure I'm proud of things i've done, or rather 'accomplished' yet, all i am ever left with is a dissatisfied feeling that i can hardly ever shake off.

I'm hoping for my 23 rd birthday, i'll unwrap something in my mind, that hits the nail on the head & i go 'I want to be a ...... when i grow up'-the correct age of being 'grown up' is kinda undisinguished, however i'm hoping it becomes clear soon.

Just NO?!

I've

GOT AN INTERVIEW FOR CATH KIDSON ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINGERS CROSSED.
XO